Seven Stages of Lunching on Holiday: avec des enfants

Stage One

Immediate and furious hunger results in urgent TripAdvisoring

Stage Two

The hunt. You imagine a cosy local with fresh fish and dappled light. You can only find laminated menus and pizzas.

‘There must be somewhere near here…?’

Stage Three

Find somewhere that smells good and is busy but you have to queue and spend ten minutes shhing the children and tripping up laden waiters.

Stage Four

Ordering in pidgin Spanish/French/Portuguese. Lots of pointing and asking for ‘but without mushrooms’.

‘Well shall we just order them two bowls of fries then?’

Stage Five

Relief as cold red wine and Fantas arrive and spirits and blood sugars lift.

Stage Six

Food arrives and grown ups mainline grilled fish whilst picking mushrooms off the kids’ pizzas.

Stage Six

Contentment as kids play amongst greasy food marks and grown ups order another carafe.

My ‘Why’s my wine glass empty?’ Face

Stage Seven

Warm cheeked and woozy, everyone bundles out of the restaurant and in to the humming city to look for ice creams.

‘We’re going on an ice cream hunt, we’re gonna eat a big one’

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