Heavy traffic on the WhatsApp
Between the dental appointments, school trips, husbands’ work, grandparent availability and alignment of the stars it has got to take at least six months to find a date you can all go. You then need to message each other a steady stream of weather updates and countdowns.
Location location location
Where does the local airport fly to? Which is the warmest destination? Done!
Sunshine? I’m in!
‘I can’t believe we are here!’
‘It’s actually sunny!’
‘I can’t believe we are ACTUALLY here!’
Beer. Wine. Beer. Wine. Beer. Local food. Beer. Karaoke. Suddenly it’s 3am.
See how the day progressed?
You’ve slept until 8am. You could sleep for another six hours but is that wasting valuable kid-free time? Or should you make the most of the lay-in? But what if it’s sunny and you could be tanning outside a cafe somewhere? But what about sleep? Oh god!
You feel like you should do something cultural as you are a grown up and Trip Advisor says the modern art museum is ‘unmissable’. Happily, art galleries are the perfect place to be hungover: quiet, empty and air conditioned.
I am an adult and I enjoy art.
Hair of dog
Someone, at some point, usually around lunchtime, will say ‘I think I’m probably ready for a beer…’
How is it 5pm already? Let’s just have one more round then…wait! What? How is it 10pm all of a sudden?!
That spiralled quickly
You haven’t brushed your hair since Wednesday. You’re sunburnt. You’ve eaten nothing except calamari. You’ve staved off scurvy purely by eating the lemon out of your sangria. Your bowel movements are in havoc. Your mental well-being is at the top of its game, though.
Late night revelations
‘I’ve known you ten years and I NEVER knew you use a flannel! Who uses a FLANNEL?!’
It’s the last night. Someone points on ’90s ballads on Spotify. You snuggle in for the last few hours of chitchat and laughter. Man, you’ve had a good time. Can you believe you have to go home tomorrow?
You should’ve gone to bed six hours before you did: not three hours before your flight. You’re broken and yet you’ve got to somehow navigate security and passport control. Your brain is mush. You’re never drinking again.
Your kids are nonplussed with your return. You eat all the vegetables in the salad drawer. You get on the WhatsApp to tell everyone you love them and you miss them and ask them how their calendars are looking for October half term.